Liebniz Throws Apple at Newton

By Matthew Goldenberg (1685)

Jan. 25, 2014

The scientific community of Europe is in uproar this week after hearing that Gottfried Leibniz threw an apple at Isaac Newtonon this this last Tuesday. The incident reportedly started when Leibniz confronted Newton about the similarity of their theories of calculus.

Newton was lounging in his estate in rural England when Leibniz, having sailed from Germany, accosted him and began to call him a plagiarizer. Newton denied the accusation,claiming to have been naturally inspired. The conflict escalated until Leibniz reached into his pocket, took out an apple, and threw it at Newton while shouting, “Get inspiration from this, schweinhund!”

Leibniz stormed off Newton’s property before police could arrive. Sources say he has boarded a return ship toGermany.

Newton has been somewhat dumbfounded since the incident but appears to be in good health. He was not injured by the apple.

When asked for comment Newton replied, “The apple just bounced off my head and fell to the ground. It’s quite incredible really. Why did the apple choose to fall downward? It could have chosen any direction to bounce. Gottfried didn’t even throw the apple downward; it went to the ground of its own accord. Curious.”

He proceeded to pick up the apple and drop it to the ground. Each time the apple fell, the country’s leading scientist smiled and had a dazed look about him.

As of press time, Newton had eaten the apple.