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Aug. 6, 2016
God, I love college so far. The independence, the intellectual rigor, the dollar milkshakes. Shit man, it’s the best. Honestly, my favorite part of it is the fact that I can finally masturbate without my mom knowing. God, I love college so far. The independence, the intellectual rigor, the dollar milkshakes. And best of all, I can finally masturbate without my mom knowing.
For years, I’ve had to be coy and aloof in my masturbatory habits. My mom slept in the room right next to me, heard anything above a whisper, and had no sense of privacy: a horny teen’s nightmare.
In high school, I used to spend all day distracted by girls wearing spaghetti strap shirts and then return home totally hot and flustered. However, I could never do anything about it for fear that my mother would barge on me with porn on my screen and a finger up my ass.
The only solution was to wait until the middle of the night, load bukkake porn on my iPod touch, and jerk with just one earphone in—in case I heard her waking up—while trying to get off without making any fucking noise at all.
Now that I’m in college, living without that lurking fear of masturbatus interruptus has been a real weight off my dick. Finally, I can proudly beat my meat out in the open without the vaguely thrilling and very Freudian threat that my mother might uncover my dirty, not-so-little secret.
Granted, it does annoy my roommate, but sometimes he leaves his clothes on my side of the room, which is not okay.
Man, these four years will be great!
For years, I’ve had to be coy and aloof in my masturbatory habits. Now, I am your average hormonally enraged and sexually deprived male teenager who needs to whack it at least once a day—so you can imagine my predicament.I wouldn’t know what I would do if my mom ever caught me red handed. I would be humiliated, and not even in the hot S&M way that I like but women don’t let me get. My mom still thinks I’m a saint, I don’t even know if she thinks I know what even sex is.My mom’s room was right next to mine, and she could hear anything above a whisper from her bed. Add in the fact that she had no real sense of privacy, and this is a horny teen’s nightmare. All day at school I would be utterly distracted by girls with their shoulders out with spaghetti strap shirts. They would even wear shorts that were much to short to allow me to properly engage myself in my academics. Fuck, it was so hot and distracting. Honestly, I don’t know how I made it through. Each day, I would come back so hot and flustered, but could never do anything about it for fear that my mother would barge in with my dick out and my finger up my ass. Normally, I would wait until the middle of the night when she was asleep, load my interracial bukkake porn from my iPod touch, make sure I only had one earphone in—just in case I heard her wake up, and try to get off with out making any fucking noise at all. Sometimes when was in dire needs, I would go into the bathroom and lock the door for the two minutes I would need it. Now that I am in college, that lurking fear of being walked in on a real weight off my dick. It has allowed me to jerk off freely and without the fear of being caught by my mother. For years, I had the crushing fear of my mother catching me in my room, defiling myself. But no more! Finally, I can aggressively and proudly beat my meat without the weirdly Freudian and thrilling threat of having my mother at any point uncover my dirty, not little, and—let’s be honest; I’m a teenage boy—not secret. Granted, my roommate does get a little annoyed when at random points during the day or night I just blatantly blast porn out of my speakers and add putrid commentary while openly masturbating in front of him. But he sometimes leaves his clothes on my side of the room, which is not ok.And that is what college is all about: learning to live with other people. Accepting the foibles and peccadillos of another to find common ground and grow as a person. Man these four years will be the greatest!
