Human Cannonball Enters the Canon

By Daniel Moattar

May 14, 2014

The Human Cannonball has entered the canon, observers report. The release of The Cannonball has been heralded as “a major event in the world of entertainment” for this and successive generations, who have universally regarded its meteoric rise with awe. The Cannonball wasted no time rocketing into the stratosphere, soaring to a position of great height above the clouds and carrying its tremendous weight with ease.

The Cannonball’s entry into the canon has been a surprise to those who “never thought it would make it.” It is certainly a daring move. Not least among its obstacles wasthat The Human Cannonball, an extremely experimental venture, may appear a poor fit for the canon. Indeed, academics have begun to debate the usefulness and necessity of the canon altogether, rendering The Human Cannonball’s timing particularly inopportune.

Yet The Human Cannonball’s story—a tragic narrative of getting loaded, shooting up, and staying unbelievably high before crashing—has inspired millions who can thoroughly relate. “The Human Cannonball’s explosion has sent shock waves resounding everywhere,” said University of Chicago Professor Hugh McCannonball. “We fear it may incite destructive behavior, but we’re compelled to admire its sheer force and fearless drive. It’s well-rounded, too. And everyone has felt The Cannonball’s impact. It seems at times to move faster than the speed of sound.”

Competition to enter the canon has grown less fierce in recent years, which certainly appears to be a factor in The Human Cannonball’s iron-clad popularity. Critics speculate, though, that this event will be the impetus for the canon to produce a new boom.