Housecest accounts for Mere 95% of O-Week Hookups

By Ayesha Wadhawan

Aug. 2, 2013

In the early days of the 2013-14 academic year, the proportion of O-Week hook-ups between individuals of the same house has reached a shocking low of 95%. Students and university officials alike are attempting to make sense of this statistic.

Typically, less than 0.2% of the sexual entanglements during this period take place between members of separate houses. In the past, inter-house social interaction during O-Week has been entirely limited to students already acquainted from high school, and those who got lost on way to their Chicago Life Meetings. “I didn’t even know we were allowed to meet people from outside our house during O-Week,” said one first-year.

This year’s deviation is tentatively attributed to unassigned seating during the Sex Signals presentation, giving students a brief window to mingle with members of other houses. “In the past, some such interaction between houses was seen as unavoidable,” said a senior official from the Student Life office. “99.8% housecest was not a perfect figure, but a satisfying one, nonetheless. These new developments teach us that we still have improvements to make.”

He went on to explain that the lofty 100%-housecest goal is essentially what makes UChicago special. “ Your first hook-up is going to be face-to-face with you during every study break, every house trip, and every meal for the rest of the year. What could better exemplify our close-knit house culture?”

While the University attributes the low housecest rate to a failure to isolate houses adequately, others view the change more positively. Many upperclassmen state that when choosing a one-time sexual partner, not having to walk to the same breakfast table the next morning is an important consideration. A few remain in favour of insular house environments, claiming that UChicago’s first-years “need all the help they can get.”