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Oct. 13, 2016
Winter, the season of indiscriminate central heating, is almost upon us. A stuck window can make this unfortunate period immeasurably worse, heating your room to within a sliver of the Planck temperature. That said, filling out a work order for a stuck window can be a harrowing process, fraught with effort and possible human interaction. Here, are some helpful rationalizations for those too bound up in laziness or social anxiety to fill one out.
1. Suffering is good. It is why you came here.
2. The life of the mind is the only thing that matters. Corporeal needs are unimportant.
3. Saunas are healthful. Embrace your inner Swede.
4. Coffee stays warm for longer.
5. You’ll sweat off the freshman 15fifteen. The sophomore 20twenty is too optimistic though.
6. You will be able to milk sympathy from your housemates by telling them that you are sweating due to stress.
7. Crossing the midway during the winter months will be a pleasurable experience.
8. You will be able to make lame puns about your hotness or warm personality when people stop in.
9. They wont stop in for long. Your bottled body odorBO will serve as a declaration of territory.
10. If it were truly unbearable, your roommate would have filled out the work order by now.
