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May 13, 2016
It is pretty damn obvious to all bystanders that first year Jack Rowler showed up toat Professor Hills‘’ Reading Cultures class with a fake hickey.
“I think he was trying to look embarrassed or something,” said fellow student Isaac Tennison. ;Hhe kept meandering between seats trying to look awkward or what he thought was ‘awkward’ which was weirdly awkward in its own right. ,” said fellow student Isaac Tennison. “Does he think he’s clever or something? It’s just sort of disgusting.”
In an interview with tThe Shady Dealer, Rowler said, “Ooh, this? What is it? This thing on my neck? Oh, um…noooothing,” said Rowler in an interview with the Shady Dealer Rowler said, “ as he looked up toward the sky contemplatively. “Yeah, it’s probably just, like, my skin or… something,” Rowler said as he scrunched up his face in an attempt to create the illusion of blushing.
“This is not the first time [Rowler] has tried to look like he came to class returning from an intimate night,” reports Tennison, “at one class we were talking about love in The Iliad and he said something like ‘yeah, with regard to love– oh wait never mind’ and then he faked awkward laughter. It took likea thirty seconds to get hthis point across and absolutely no one believed him at all. Can’t we talk about the book?”
When we asked for his name, he responded “oh…her…I mean, mymy, name is Becky…Jen-Jack!. Stupid slip of the tongue. I’m just so out of sorts; I had such a busy night last night.” We made sure not to ask what Rowler did last night.
