Did the Writers of the Constitution Mean for Us to Have “Sharp Sticks” and “Rocks”?

By Brogun the Younger

Feb. 1, 2015

SUMERIA 5000 B.C.E.

The men who wrote our constitution were wise and foresaw many ways that the government could seek to deprive our fellow citizens of their rights. The time has come, however, for us to seriously ask ourselves whether the authors of our constitution could have possibly foreseen the dangerous new weapons that currently plague society such as “sharpened sticks” and “medium-sized rocks.”

In our founder’s days, the most advanced weaponry available to the public was the club, and all members of the tribe could own as many clubs as desired. The club is a potent weapon, but it is also slow and highly inaccurate. There was hardly a danger posed to the public by allowing a private citizen to stockpile any number of them.

But the founders had no way of anticipating the damage a single person armed with just one sharpened could wreak. Adding even just a few rocks to that arsenal can result in unimaginable horrors. Just last week we were all shocked when we heard that four yak-jaws had been stolen from Margram the Clever at the point of a sharpened stick.

This is not a call for us to do away with all the unalienable rights our shamans have preserved through the sacred telling over thousands of moons. Our right to each share in the life-giving fire is unquestionable, and where would be if we allowed the tribal elders to confiscate our stores of elk-hides without cause? But as science marches on, we must reevaluate the things we consider to be part of our highest law.

I understand that changing what we consider the fundamental right of all humans will not be easy. There will be great opposition from people such as Trugg BalGar, whose power to sharpen the sticks has brought him many elk-hides, and Kram Shirgith, He Who Knows the Secrets of the Killing Rocks. Regardless, we must stand strong against those who act in their own interest if we are to have a safer, stronger society.