Critics Call Yoga in Schools “Discriminatory” Against Kids Who Do That Fast Leg-Shaking Thing

By Dan Lastres

April 23, 2015

The school board of California’s Fresno Unified School District announced last week a plan to include yoga in its physical education curriculum for the 2015-16 school year, saying yoga would “teach children the importance of stillness, meditation, and spandex in this new, big, and terrifying digital era.”

However, a significant number of parents and citizens have united to oppose the measure, claiming that it would discriminate against children who do that thing where they quickly shake their leg by rocking up and down on the ball of their foot while sitting.

Though scientists remain unable to explain this phenomenon, Fresno parents have stepped forward to share their precise and infallible understandings of their children’s behavior.

“My son needs to be free to squirm!” said outraged parent Melinda Aaron. “It’s because he’s growing, or something!”

“It’s not that I want him to keep doing that annoying leg-shaking thing. But even if you tell him to stop, he’ll forget and do it without thinking,” Aaron said.

Many parents have expressed their conviction that any physical education curriculum aiming to stop the shaking would be tantamount to an attempt to nail Jell-O to a wall: a waste of money, doomed from the start, and not as good as just eating the Jell-O.