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Jan. 16, 2017
Area student Deborah Green, colloquially known as “Dee-Dee,” is currently under the impression that her attraction to various types of dogs is a uniquely defining feature of her personality, the Dealer reports.
“You don’t understand,” Green was overheard commenting to a close friend. “I will like, totally derail a conversation just to go pet a cute dog.”
“It’s honestly a problem,” she continued in a sincere tone, as though disclosing something interesting. “I’m kind of obsessed.”
Reporters were initially hesitant to believe that Green, 20, was somehow unaware of the fact that dogs are generally beloved by most people. However, follow-up investigations revealed that Green’s Tinder bio simply reads, “I love dogs lol,” forcing correspondents to concede that Green is simply “that basic.”
At press time, Green was in the process of explaining to her date that she’s “passionate about bread.”
