8 of 9 Students in Your Problem Session Just Want To Be Held

By James Newton

Nov. 9, 2013

At the conclusion of a four-year study, College statistics major Maya D’Angelo has revealed that the vast majority of students in math and science courses who attend supplementary discussion or problem sessions don not do so with the intent of learning anything about the class. So what is it that motivates these students to trek through the snow to extra classes in the deep dark of Chicago after 5PM?

According to D’Angelo’s study, only six percent of students who attend discussion or problem sessions “actually understand what is happening in the class.” Of these, 98% responded that “The opportunity to boost my self-esteem by being near people who are dumber than me” was a “very strong motivator for attending evening sections… In other words, there is almost always at least one That Kid present in an evening section solely to judge other students.”

The paper went on to claim that the “vast majority of the remaining students responded that their primary motivator was ‘The desperate desire for a shred of empathy.’” In the comments section, one student said, “a single drop of human kindness out of the vast, anonymous, soul-crushing machine of academia would probably help me to stop crying during all of my labs.” Another noted, “My TA is actually really cute and I come to problem session because there’s a chance he might hold me in his arms and tell me that everything will be okay in the end.” Similar sentiments to these were common, with 60% of students in this category alluding to a desire to physically touch at least one other person present at the session.

Of the students surveyed, only two percent gave other reasons for coming to problem sessions. Among these, the most popular were “I fell asleep in this classroom during lecture earlier and I’m not even in this class” and “I’m trying to finish the problem set.” Likely due to an increase in interdisciplinary study, 0.2% of respondents replied, “Why are any of us here, really?”, suggesting an increasing presence of philosophy majors in introductory physics classes. They will likely be disappointed to find that Schrödinger’s equation does not contain the secret to quantum healing.

Reception of the study has been mixed. Upon hearing these statistics, English and Gender Studies double major and Chicago Maroon Op-Ed contributor Clair Fuller said,

“I just don’t get it. Science majors don’t even have to write papers. Or read. And besides, what value can a soulless automaton possibly find in the warmth of a human embrace?”In response, D’Angelo scoffed, attributing the misunderstanding to the lack of real problem solving skills developed in the humanities. Continuing to defend her study, she noted,

“I’ve been taking STEM classes at UChicago for four years and I asked someone why they were there almost every time I went to a problem session, I think I know what I’m talking about.”