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Feb. 19, 2016
- Tomato. The tomato is a wondrous red vegetable that can be used to make ketchup or marinara sauce.. A scientist once told me that the tomato is a fruit. Thankfully, I don’t believe in science, so tomato still makes this list.
- Guns. I did not know you could grow guns in the soil. Thankfully, Ted Cruz told me that guns are America’s most important crop. Ted Cruz is a firebrand for the people, and will stick it to those government folks.
- Tomatoe. Everyone loves this brownish cousin to the tomato. Using tomatoes, one can make delicious French fries to put your ketchup sauce on.
- Corn. It tastes good. I put corn as a garnish to my favorite meals, such as butter. It can also become ethanol, which is an essential product. Most importantly, I can use the corn stalks to make a miniature raft for Fido in case the floods come again.
- Zucchini. I only grow this because I fucking hate cucumbers. Zucchinis are very similar to cucumbers, so I grow a bunch of them in order to spite the cucumbers.
- Jobs. Ted Cruz said that jobs are America’s most important crop. Ted Cruz is willing to go the extra mile to protect the working man’s rights.s.
- A Wife. The farm gets lonely at times, and a darling gal would brighten up my life. This crop has not been been growing poorlywell, regardless of how much seed I sow into the earth.
- Marijuana. See, this is a tricky one. I grow marijuana in a separate field so that all the dirty hipsters and Bernie supporters congregate and steal my Mary Jane plants. Then, when they all gather, I set the field on fire. Almost all the Democrats die. This is great for soil quality.
- Pepper. I’ve tried to grow peppers before, but I when I went to the seed store I got scared by the overwhelming color array of them. Green peppers., rRed peppers., yYellow peppers. I’m a farmer, not a damned picture painter man.
- Wheat. My life dream is to make my own wheat beer, then create a roadside pit stop called tThe Trail of Beers. The government said I can’t call my place that, but Ted Cruz supports the middle class’ naming rights. Cruz 2016!
