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Sept. 7, 2016
By Katie Zellner and Morgan Pantuck 1. When he invited you over to look at his sheets.
Unfortunately, those weren’t 400-thread-count Egyptian cotton, but merely Google Sheets. He just wanted to make sure that his titration curve made sense. Bummer!
2. When he asked if you wanted some of his DNA sample.
Although you immediately thought this was a semen reference, your lab partner was actually trying to be helpful when you ran out of genetic material. Too bad!
3. When he complimented your heart.
This seemed like genuine flattery until you remembered that you were holding a scalpel and dissecting a pig. 🙁
4. When he said his p-value was significant.
You should have known better *eggplant emoji three times*.
5. When he helped clean the spill off of your shirt.
You thought he was just trying to cop a feel, but he was just trying to save your skin from sulfuric acid burns. Shucks!
6. When he asked you for just the tip.
He has his own pipette, he just needed the tip box. Ughhhhh.
7. When he asked if you wanted to mate.
He walked over, whispered that he noticed your beautiful white eyes, and asked if you wanted to mamate. Your flies. Obviously. For the experiment. You don’t even have white eyes. Chill.
88. When he said he felt a spark.
No, it was not your “electric connection” and “witty banter,” it was sparks from the circuit that malfunctioned while you were staring into his eyes.
9. When he handed you a flask.
Erlenmeyer filled with distilled water, not booze. *Sigh*.
10. When he asked, “Are those D’s?”
He didn’t notice your boobs; just your awful grades. Maybe you should pay more attention to lecture instead of your hunky lab partner.
