BOSTON – 1919. 

Today, we are gathered to mourn the victims of The Great Molasses Flood:

William Brogan, 61, a Teamster, tried to form a union against us, and we teamed up to push him into the flood.

John Callahan, 43, was a paver at the North End Paving Yard; we made sure to pave him over just like he tried to pave us.

Bridget Clougherty, 65, kidnapped several of our fellows to take back to her home, and we made sure to take her just as fast. 

Stephen Clougherty, 34, was unemployed and decided to lick molasses from our leaky berthen, and we licked him right into the bay.

Maria Di Stasio, 10, was a child and wanted a Molasses Friend, and we complied.

William Duffy, 58; James J. Kenneally, 48; and Patrick Been, 44, were all laborers at the North End Paving Yard. They killed 22 of our molasses friends, and we murdered them viscously in return.

The list goes on and on, and we are pleased to say that all of our victims have been avenged. First they put us in this shitty tank, and then they didn’t even have the courtesy to make sure it had good old Manganese in it! And then the rivets were loose, and it was half the goddamned thickness, and then they filled us right up to the brim?

Really, what did they expect? It was just too much—there was nothing else left to do but explode.