Point: Cancel Classes for Snow / Counterpoint: You Knew Chicago Was Colder Than California

Point: Cancel Classes for Snow

Look, I came to this university for intellectual rigor, Neo-Gothic architecture, and some mild season depression, NOT to reenact the Donner Party’s polar expedition every time I need to cross the Midway. When the wind physically moves me across the quad like a Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade Balloon animal, that’s a safety issue. When the snow is falling sideways and I lose sight of my own outstretched hand, that’s a safety issue. When it’s easier to ice skate in front of the Reg than on the Midway, that’s a safety issue. When my eyes freeze shut on the way to SOSC, that’s a sign from God. We deserve a snow day. Or at least the sweet dignity of Zoom.

Counterpoint: You Knew Chicago Was Colder Than California

Oh, you sweet summer child (well, frost-bitten husk drifting from Bartlett to the Reg like everyone else). You came here from California expecting what, exactly? A light breeze? A brisk 50 degrees? You enrolled in a school where the campus brochure literally brags about student resilience and the Nobel Prizes earned in the face of environmental hostility. Chicago told you it was cold. Chicago showed you it was cold. First with a crisp autumn, then with harmless snow, then with a wind that bitch-slapped you so hard you reconsidered your relationship with God. You had to have known. 

Classes don’t get canceled because of snow here. Classes get canceled when the sun dies, the gargoyles descend from the rooftops, and the Dean personally emails to say, “Okay, yeah, this is actually kinda bad.” Until then, bundle up, buy a parka rated for Arctic research stations, and walk. Stop washing your hair right before you go out. In the words of the generations of UChicago students before you: “There is no such thing as bad weather, only an unprepared Californian.”