House Council Begs First Years to Carry On Legacy

“Please join!” the House Council President begged on his knees at the mandatory house meeting, as students shifted uneasily while waiting to be let out.

First-years report door-knocking at midnight, creepy voices whispering “joinnnnn the councillllll,” and leaflets shoved under doors via mice. 

“I don’t have the time,” said one anonymous first-year, buried in the stacks at the Reg, “It just seems like so much work.”

A particularly mournful and visibly depressed student said he thought the House Council was “always going to be there for me.” However, he has found that they’re “always hanging around my dorm at the worst moments. Like 10 pm? And when I actually want advice in the morning they’re nowhere to be found!”

“It’s honestly pretty chill,” said a first-year who had joined House Council, lying down on the couch to do their econ homework, “I just wanted to bond with the council and experience community!” 

After further questioning by the Dealer, however, they explained the real reason for their decision. “They offered recommendation letters from the resident heads,” they explained. “And could you please let me out of here?! I have a House Council meeting to go to!”

“We REALLY need more members,” the House Council President told the Dealer. “There’s a lot of bureaucracy, you know? You’ve got to make a thousand Google forms from scratch, attend once-a-week-half-hour meetings where you get attacked by dogs, and even write the three-page newsletters about UChicago Safe—all that comes from us!”

The House President also encouraged members from outside the house to get involved. “As long as you’re not a fourth year, we can fudge the numbers a little. Hey, you’re not going to print that part, right?”