Area man way behind on his telegraph feed

By Chris Deakin

Feb. 4, 2013

Having finally returned to the telegraph office after three days of ignoring it, area man George Brittlemeier is reportedly overwhelmed by the number of telegrams left to read in his telegram feed. Owing to numerous work and family obligations, Kansas native Brittlemeier let his incoming telegrams pile up, and now there are over five hundred telegrams waiting for him at the Atlantic and Pacific Telegraph Office. According to Brittlemeier, “Held up by a considerable assignment STOP Eldest son still recovering from case of consumption STOP Unable to make trip into Wataska STOP”

So many telegrams were wired to Brittlemeier’s account that they nearly exceeded his personal storage limit. “If he’d done that, I would have been forced to open up my filing cabinet and put some in the wastebasket,” said local A&P man Jacob Saltz. “I’ve only had to do that a couple of times, when the telegrams really piled up. But he sure does have a lot of telegrams.”

The sheer number of telegrams left to decode and answer is nearly enough to dissuade Brittlemeier from even diving in. While most of the telegrams are retapped missives and pound symbols growing fashionable, he still believes he should begin reading. “Possible some important invitation to a telegreet-up buried in there STOP Also enjoy favoriting amusing zoetrope pictures of domestic animals STOP” Not to mention, said Brittlemeier, the obligation he has to his own patrons to continue translating his own thoughts into Morse code and tapping them with some regularity.

Asked if he is also behind on his Pony Express profile, Brittlemeier said that he doesn’t use the equestrian network. “Not interested in horses STOP Too much drama STOP”