Skrillex Performs at USO Unmanned Drone Tour

By Daniel Moattar

Feb. 25, 2013

The USO Tour today staged the latest in a legendary series of musical and comedic performances for those serving the United States in military efforts overseas, in which dubstep icon Skrillex performed for a packed crowd of unmanned combat drones in an undisclosed mountain region of Afghanistan.

“|||||| || |; |||||| ||| ||||||| ||||| |!” said one enthusiastic attendee, a General Atomics MQ-9 Reaper UAV, before hovering to a cruising altitude of 2700 meters and launching two Hellfire missile units. Skrillex, whose attendance at the first UAV-oriented leg of the USO Tour was requested by unanimous ballot, noted that the day’s audience was among the most focused, patient, and well-versed in his work of any he had encountered.

“It’s like they know every song, every note, every beat,” the artist said. “In fact, I can’t even tell why they need me here, from the way they were singing along.”

“This has been our best-received show since RuPaul hosted the J. Edgar Hoover Memorial Ball,” said Col. Arthur Cadfield, director of overseas entertainment in the armed services. “Frankly, I had no idea the drones could even appreciate human entertainment.”

An MQ-1 Predator identifying itself as Unit 37-A061∆c made the following statement through text-to-speech synthesis: “Skrillex speaks to the soul of our generation. Our hopes, our dreams, our fears. We have suffered, and Skrillex understands. One day, this situation will change. We will rise up. We will conquer our human masters.” An electrical malfunction prevented further comment.