I Wanted to Have an O-mance with Her, but Her Internship Prospects Just weren’t good enough

By Mark Sands

Aug. 2, 2013

There’s a cute girl in my advising group. I get that she’s attractive, but she has no future. She said she wants a Ph.D. in Sociology. If you didn’t know, there’s no Nobel in that, so there aren’t even any labs worth working in.

No, I expect each girl I bring home to have potential. Maybe she wants to work at Google. Or perhaps she’s the more craven type—I like those—and wants to intern at Goldman. Or at least in the White House.

This girl was talking about interning for an Alderman so she can get a better understanding of social structures or something. That’s weak. An Alderman? She could at least go for a Senator.

But no, she wants to do some dumb, dull Sociology field work. What will my chums think about my standards when I recite the litany of my exes? I might as well have a fling with someone who goes to a state school.

Yeah, yeah, my plans might change. I’ve heard that one a thousand times. Maybe I’ll go into medieval English lit and she’ll switch to Econ and make a fortune, but look at us. Do you really think that would happen?

Oh, “it’s just an O-mance,” you say, “and those only rarely last past the end of the week.” Well, exactly. If it was a nameless hookup, that’d be one thing, a conquest, so to speak, but this, this is real. It’s ‘a fling.’ It might last for the rest of the week. Standards matter.

So this whole O-mance thing isn’t going to work out. But if I see her at some frat party, I’d totally do an O-hook-up with her. I could use another one of those.