Town of Fonts Finds Itself Sans Sheriff

By Si Squires-Kasten

Nov. 13, 2014

In a story first picked up by the New Roman Times, the town of Tahoma, Georgia has been sans sheriff for the last four days.

Pressed to discuss the impact of the open office, Mayor Franklin Gothic was hard to read. The mayor remained composed as he underlined his wish to welcome a new constable into “the Tahoma family of fonts.”

Arial Italic, leader of a local anarchist set, put his own slant on the proceedings. “The need for policing is an old line – totally unjustified,” said Italic, biting into a patty from local fast-food emporium Gutenburger. “My party has been stereotyped and marginalized, but if the stars align, this might be our chance to expose the government’s bold-faced lies.”

“This town is on a highway to Helvetica,” said elderly homeowner Cooper Black from his adobe at the center of town. “Without sheriffs, who will stop any old dingbat from carrying out his nefarious designs?”

Black paused to sip his Corona, continuing, “This would never happen in a capital city.”

In other news, the Tahoma Wingdings, a local minor league affiliate, are celebrating their recent playoff success with a fifteen percent sale on all caps.