Whom, Honey

By Evan Bernstein

Dec. 31, 2014

Whom when it’s the object of a sentence, babe. Who when it’s the subject. No biggie; it’s a common mistake. Just, you know, now you know.

Like in the sentence, “At whom are you yelling?” You is the subject, and the person you’re yelling at is the object. You see? “Who are you yelling at?” is wrong, because you are still the subject and the person at whom you are yelling, me, is the object. Or rather, I am the object, because in that sentence I is the subject, object is the object. Do you get it, kiddo?

Also, you shouldn’t end a sentence with a preposition. I mean, it’s fine, but you just shouldn’t. It’s one of those weird rules that doesn’t really make sense but it’s still a rule, you know? You’ll get the hang of it, sweetie.

Who versus whom is just one of those things, like your versus you’re or or versus nor. People will understand what you’re saying either way, but the language you use to communicate can sometimes say more then just the words themselves. Than. Excuse me. Do you understand now, darling?

Grammar is not just a social construct prescribed by the academic elite to reinforce a class structure that favors the wealthy and subjugates the underprivileged. Grammar can also be fun!

For instance, which sentence is correct: “The hung jury hung themselves from the highest trees in the land” or “The hung jury hanged itself from the highest tree in the land”?

What’s the difference? That’s so cute, pumpkin. Actually, they’re both wrong! Hung is the past tense and past participle of hang, except in the context of a well-executed execution. But jury is a group noun, which means for the verb to agree the jury must also which they don’t because they’re hung so they’ll be hanged one by one. Isn’t that fun, buttercup?

You see, gumdrop, grammar is all about expression. If we all follow the rules, then their’s less of a chance for misunderstanding. There’s. Sorry.

So it makes no sense that you’re even mad at me in the first place! I’m just trying to help you express yourself better, peachy pie, and Lord knows you could use a few lessons.

Babydoll? Monkeymonk? Shmoopy Poo? To where are you going?

Tootsiemouth? Honeydew? Crème brûlée?

Oh, well. Now that I’m alone, I guess I’ll go mental masturbate.