Meteor Defense System Behind Schedule and Over Budget

By A T-rex

Feb. 1, 2015

EARTH C. 65,000,000 BCE — I’m proud to say I’m a small-government kind of dino. Dinosaurs should be self-sufficient and self-reliant, that’s what I always say. Uncle Stegasaurus should stay out of our teeth and claws, and we’ll be able to chase, catch, and kill our way to prosperity just fine.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m willing to pay a few dinobucks a month for things like roads and schools— I like pursuing my prey on the same level, and our youth need more and more training just to compete in the late-Cretaceous economy. I’m not a radical. I’m just a T-Rex trying to live the Theropodian Dream.

But the latest example of bureaucratic incompetence and largesse is enough to make my cold blood boil. The incompetent Brachiosauruses that run the public works division have been pouring millions of dinobucks into a Edmontosaurus-pie-in-the-sky asteroid defense system that was supposed to be finished eons ago.

Let’s face it. There’s no reason to run the dino economy into the ground based on the crazy conjectures of the liberal herbivore sauropod walnut-brains who have been forecasting the apocalyse since the Triassic. I work hard tearing flesh for a living, and I trust those leaf-chewing loafers about as far as I could throw them with my tiny, tiny arms.

Tell your alderdino– it’s time to scrap the asteroid defense system.