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May 26, 2015
A crack team of scientists, sociologists, and journalists from the University of Chicago recently have published a report definitively showing that you won’t finish this article because it’s about science. The researchers found that the average person’s low attention span shrinks even further whileen they are reading articles about climate change, behavioral studies, or mental floss articles. You won’t finish this article because it’s about science, according to findings publishedpresented research conductedby a University of Chicago research group in June’s Scientific American‘s June edition. The combined unit of scientists, sociologists, and journalists determined that the average human attention span, already low, is reduced even further when attempting to read articles about climate change, behavioral studies, or pieces from Mental Floss magazine.the June 6 edition of Sciencelatest edition of journal Largely Unread Science Findings
Neil DeGgrasse Tyson and Bill Nye the Science gGuy have been used employed as attention– getters to lure you into this second paragraph. However, they are the only two significantnotable celebrity scientists, and, let’s be honest, they’re burning through their fame pretty quickly. Scientists just don’t have any good options left when it comes to keeping you reading.
You will be shocked to hear, that there is nothing that shocking about this study. In fact, “shock,” “surprise,” and “amazing” are words we tack on to study findings so people will click on them more oftenreadily. If you’re still reading now, then you’ll be amazed by what the mind –blowing facts we’re going to share with you in the next paragraph!
Oh. Y, ou’re still here. I thought you’d have moved on to something else by now …. wWell, I’ll be honest;: I was lying through my teeth. There really isn’t that much too it —– science, I mean., Sscience is important, but it’s not sexy, like fast cars or headlines about ambiguous racism that anyone can throw togetherr an opinion on. Them’sose are the facts, and themthose facts isare boring as hell. God.d….
We can be 100%one hundred percent sure that no one will read this far down in the article, so I’m just going to tell you a couple things about life as a scientist. I wake up every morning and put on my scientist pants one leg at a time, like everyone else. Who the fuck am I kidding? No one cares at all. Even if science can improve anyone’syour life, reading an article about it won’t do shit for anybody.
There’s nothing scientific about my pants, either! Even if they were special science pants, you’d get tired of checking them out before you’d have reached mid-thigh. Aw shit … My mMom was right—, the arts! the arts! The arts are where it’s at! Sure, your work isn’t vital to mankind’s well-being, but at least someone cares enough to read your work.
