Three Dead, Four Wounded in Deadly Political Correctness Attack

By Liam Coles

Aug. 1, 2016

Philadelphia— The suicide bomber Justin Saeed ended up killing 3 and critically wounding 4 in what has been called a massive attack of political correctness.

This Monday was a calm morning in the city of brotherly love. Everyone was unnaturally calm, holding back his or her or their darker thoughts lest he/she/they/it/we offend any person on the basis of religion, ethnicity, gender identity, sexual preference, or favorite color.

Republican lawmakers over the past election cycle warned us this would occur. Donald Trump rose to prominence on a platform of ending political correctness. He asserted in his convention speech that, “we cannot afford to be politically correct” because it is amassing a human toll on the country. Rather than being compassionate towards them, our rhetoric needs to “honor [white] people with nothing but the [veiled authoritarianism and dumbed-down, divisive political rhetoric that plays into the racist nativism of a disgruntled shrinking white majority who believe that this racist rhetoric while overly simplistic and outright despicable is somehow in any way the] truth.”

Finally, their worst fears occurred. On Market Ave and 7th St in downtown Philly, several saw out in the open space a terror attacks in the making. The terrorist was a lone wolf who was knowingly sworn allegiance to ISIS. These witnesses, though completely within their ability to prevent the terrorist attack simply by alerting the proper authorities, did not. Rather than saying anything about the impending attacks, witnesses “feared offending the man based on his religious beliefs and ethnic background.”

The attack has led to the personal arrest of President Barack Obama for his complete failure to verbally articulate the name of America’s enemy “radical Islamic terrorism.”

When asked to comment on the issue, Obama seemed to accept his fate: “Republican lawmakers such as Ted Cruz and John Kasich were right. Political correctness has deadly effects and trying to provide an inclusive message for all Americans simply found far too deadly.”

We reach out to the families of the victims. Only one, Jane Fitzpatrick provided a comment: “At least I know that my husband James Fitzpatrick is in a better place now: anywhere but the city of Philadelphia.”