![]()
Dec. 8, 2016
For the uninitiated, in most every household in the United States, the real star of any family meal is the chitterlings. Those sweet, foul-smelling pig parts could fill any household with the smell of excitement and a slight tinge of decomposition. That being said, instead of having regular old chitterlings this Fistmas, you should try out these festive flavorings!
1. Barbecue Flavor. In case you needed a reminder that pigs are indeed the main ingredient of chitterlings.
2. Ramen Noodle Flavor. Just in case you want to reminisce about your days of being a broke college student and a broken human being.
3. Whiskey flavor. This flavor will definitely make you remember that time you drank to forget your entire 1st year.
4. Foot flavor. Your grandma always puts her foot in it anyway. Might as well take it all the way, right?
5. Hot sauce flavor. Save yourself the effort of putting hot sauce on your chitterlings by putting an entire bottle of it and 3 ghost peppers for that extra explosion of flavor. Disclaimer: May lead to hospitalization.
6. Existential Crisis Flavor. No explanation needed. 1/1 UChicago students recommend.
7. Shame Flavor. You’re actually Muslim. You shouldn’t be eating this at all. It’s not halal. You know this.
8. Chemistry Textbook Flavor. The entire recipe is overcomplicated and honestly doesn’t make much sense. You paid $300 for the ingredients, but don’t know how to use them.
9. Chicago Winter Flavor. Chilled to perfection.
10. Getting Kicked out the Reg for Eating on the Second Floor Flavor. It’s both smelly and messy. Great for a long night spent studying on the stairs of the Reg. This wouldn’t have happened if you saw the signs.
