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April 22, 2017
8 Famous Paintings I Accidentally Dropped Down The Stairso Mona Lisa
§Mona Lisa
The Mona Lisa is widely considered the finest painting in all creation, so I really fucked up when I dropped it down 3 flights of stairs. Nobody knows why the lady is smiling, and now nobody will ever know because there is a large hole where her face used to be.
o American Gothic
§ The couple in this staple of American art is infamous for their stern expressions, which mirror the expressions on my parents‘ faces held when I dropped American Gothic down a massive spiral staircase.
o The Scream
§ The horrified expression of the figure in The Scream truly comes to life while it falls haphazardly down an enormous flight of stairs. I dropped it by accident, but my new lease on the art made its fall worthwhile.
o The Weeping Woman
§ All the discordant parts of Picasso’s The Weeping Woman came back together after I fumbled and dropped it down the foyer staircase. It turns out that The Weeping Woman is actually a portrait of Eleanor Roosevelt!
o Saturn Devouring His Son
§ I have a confession. I dropped this painting down my colossal six6-flight staircase on purpose. It is a nasty, gruesome portrait and I could not allow my beautiful cousin Terry to see it, so I threw it down the nearest flight of stairs in a panic.
o The Sleeping Gypsy
§ Rumor has it that The Sleeping Gypsy has an extremely slippery frame. I can confirm this because the darned painting fell out of my hands and down a 100-foot windinger staircase just last Tuesday.
o Washington Crossing The Delaware
§ George Washington crossed the Delaware River under horrible, icy conditions in order to carry out a dangerous surprise attack during the Revolutionary War. Washington Crossing the Delaware crossed my titanic– bifurcated staircase under similar conditions, and unfortunately did not survive.
o The Last Supper
§ Da Vinci’s The Last Supper is 15 feet by 29 feet, and painted directly on a wall. Therefore it must be through God’s help that I managed to drop the entire painting down the 7th scale tripoint staircase in the Convent of Santa Maria delle Grazie. Please don’t tell Jesus!
