Letter from the Editors

By James Ekstrom and Christopher Deakin

Aug. 6, 2013

Dear Reader,

As a First Year, just beginning your college career, you are beset with Orientators, persons of medium authority attempting to orient your life. Your O-Leaders, your Resident Heads, your College Advisor, and your Parents all jockey for influence over your precious future. If you’re reading this issue as an upperclassman, you know the type all too well. Do not be mistaken, Dear Reader. Most of these people have your best interest at heart, and will try their best to give you earnest advice. But the opinion of the Chicago Shady Dealer is that their best is not enough.

You deserve a better orientation. A thoroughly rigorous publication whose articles will hone your mind and, more importantly, your musculature. Our commentary will give you a rock-hard liberal arts foundation and even rock-harder abs. Our recommendations will balance your life and your facial features. Look no further than our pages for the key to sculpting both your glutes and your future. In this, our tenth year of service, we can assure you that our techniques are sound, our results are proven, and our readers are satisfied.

Satisfaction is guaranteed; we will satisfy you. When you need more orientation than our print issue can deliver, visit us at chicagoshadydealer.com. If you want to be a part of the magic, we invite you to join us for our weekly meeting. You can find us in Harper 145, Sundays at 7 p.m., just repping the night away. You can rep with us.

Please, take care of yourself. We’ll do our best to take care of you, too.

Sincerely,Christopher Deakin and James EkstromEditors-in-Chief