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Trump claims to have discovered “Constitution 2” allowing him to do whatever he wants
He described having stumbled upon the document during a recent stroll on the roof of the White House. “It was just sitting there—can you believe that? Sitting right there on that—on that really…
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Karoline Leavitt to respond to CNN journalists with yo mama jokes
Leavitt debuted the strategy in her response to a HuffPost reporter’s question about a proposed summit between President Trump and Russian President Vladimir Putin, but further instances have already appeared. Asked by the…
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Secretary of War Pete Hegseth Announces New Military Uniform Deal
These outfits are reportedly “sleek,” “intimidating,” and “super cool, dude.” They will be a slimming black color, as Hegseth has realized since his speech that “getting rid of all the fatties” was a…
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Societie of Loyale British Subjekts Seen Counter-Protesting “No Kings” Rally
Asked to explain the Societie’s political principles, chapter leader Thomas Galloway responded, “We believe that the American founding wast an act of treason against our most benevolent and gracious monarch, King George III.
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“Yes, I’m a Baller” Says Mamdani After Cuomo Accuses Him of Being LeBron James in Disguise
Mamdani proceeded to step from behind his podium, take a basketball from one of the moderators, and shoot from his spot on the stage all the way to the other side of the…
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White House Downplays Reports of Trump, Epstein “I Heart Pedophilia” Friendship Bracelets
“I would never accept one of Jeff’s UGLY bracelets,” Trump wrote on Tuesday. “He was ALWAYS trying to pawn those pieces of CRAP (pardon my language!) off on everybody even though NOBODY WANTED…
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White House Rushes to Explain Correlation Not Causation Following JD Vance Pope Visit
In response to the rumors, President Donald Trump tweeted: “Vance is FINE! We threw some Trump Holy Water™ on him. Trump Holy Water™ is on sale now! 10% off with a special code…
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Interview: Debate Over Politics Blossoms Into Lifelong Friendship
"Our argument was full of gotchas and strawmen and random factoids that could plausibly be traced to some website or social media post we looked at. There were no contentions, structure, rebuttals, or…
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Update: President Trump Places 35% Tariff on Water; Aquaman Responds
Economists were befuddled, given that there is no known trade between Atlantis and the United States. In fact, the U.S. is still unsure exactly where Atlantis is.
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Utah Replaces All Water Supply With Electrolytes, ‘Cause That’s What Plants Crave
“I, brought to you by Carl’s Jr., am happy to announce that our great state’s water supply is no more!" Governor Cox announced.
