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Trump accidentally destroys East Wing of Woodlawn
In what appears to be a logistical error, President Trump sent several bulldozers to the East Wing of Woodlawn instead of the East Wing of the White House owing to confusion over Google…
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In his second memoir, “Ignore My First One,” Vance reveals that the root of his anger toward Zelensky was his thick lashes.
J.D. Vance admits that seeing Volodymyr Zelensky’s lashes triggered months of resentment, forcing him to repeatedly abandon his vice presidential duties to take lengthy vacations. But now, Vance is back—not to his position…
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Air Force Forms Task Force of Skydiving Spiders
The Spiders Parachuting into Dangerous Regions Task Force, or SPIDR, aims to utilize the natural skydiving abilities of arachnids to conduct High-Altitude Low-Opening (HALO) jumps in military operations deemed too risky for human…
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Trump claims to have discovered “Constitution 2” allowing him to do whatever he wants
He described having stumbled upon the document during a recent stroll on the roof of the White House. “It was just sitting there—can you believe that? Sitting right there on that—on that really…
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Karoline Leavitt to respond to CNN journalists with yo mama jokes
Leavitt debuted the strategy in her response to a HuffPost reporter’s question about a proposed summit between President Trump and Russian President Vladimir Putin, but further instances have already appeared. Asked by the…
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Secretary of War Pete Hegseth Announces New Military Uniform Deal
These outfits are reportedly “sleek,” “intimidating,” and “super cool, dude.” They will be a slimming black color, as Hegseth has realized since his speech that “getting rid of all the fatties” was a…
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Societie of Loyale British Subjekts Seen Counter-Protesting “No Kings” Rally
Asked to explain the Societie’s political principles, chapter leader Thomas Galloway responded, “We believe that the American founding wast an act of treason against our most benevolent and gracious monarch, King George III.
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“Yes, I’m a Baller” Says Mamdani After Cuomo Accuses Him of Being LeBron James in Disguise
Mamdani proceeded to step from behind his podium, take a basketball from one of the moderators, and shoot from his spot on the stage all the way to the other side of the…
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White House Downplays Reports of Trump, Epstein “I Heart Pedophilia” Friendship Bracelets
“I would never accept one of Jeff’s UGLY bracelets,” Trump wrote on Tuesday. “He was ALWAYS trying to pawn those pieces of CRAP (pardon my language!) off on everybody even though NOBODY WANTED…
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White House Rushes to Explain Correlation Not Causation Following JD Vance Pope Visit
In response to the rumors, President Donald Trump tweeted: “Vance is FINE! We threw some Trump Holy Water™ on him. Trump Holy Water™ is on sale now! 10% off with a special code…
