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Masthead

Editors in Chief

Lena Birkholz, Jacob Halabe, Maisie Thompson

Managing Editor

Andrea Zhou

Deputy Managing Editor

Griffin Bonnin Jones

Layout Editor

Abby Beckler

Deputy Layout Editor

Katherine Reynolds

Photo Editor

Zayna Cheema

Copy Editors

Justin Bilenker, Katherine Reynolds

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant. God is God, the river is swift, and we don’t give a fuck.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Persons and Materials of Middling Importance in 1897

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Chris Deakin Feb. 4, 2013 H.W. Peckwell: Journeyman wood engraver for Scribner’s Magazine, principally of trains. The Curt Billy-Whale Lighthouse and Public House, on Shefhouzen Island Joseph Misen: invented the Beard Ellusifier,…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Top 8 People Who Are Not in the Illuminati of 2012

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Becky Stoner Jan. 3, 2013 Ke$ha: This pop artist/sex icon has managed to climb the pop charts with absolutely no help from any underground conspiracies. Sea Punks: How did these turquoise-haired, porpoise-tattooed,…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    I Have Never Seen a Horse

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Jake Frisch Nov. 11, 2012 It’s not like I don’t know what they are, I’m not an idiot. I’ve just never seen a horse. No, not even a picture. People keep saying,…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Brangenlina visits Chicago, adopts Broadview residents

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Nora Helfand Oct. 21, 2012 Hollywood power couple Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie announced Sunday that they would be adopting a child from a remote locale: University of Chicago’s Broadview residence hall.…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    I Look Bad in My Family’s Holiday Card and Other Shit I Hate About Winter

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Audrey Fromson Dec. 5, 2018 Apple’s portrait mode has made my mom into a monster. When my sisters and I are together, she whips out her phone and proceeds to take photos…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Clueless First Year Finds Himself in Rural Kentucky after Boarding Shuttle Bus

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Sammy Elmasri and Will Jaffe Nov. 11, 2018 First-year Danny Fenton anticipated an expedited trip when he boarded the South Shuttle, but disaster struck as he mistakenly got off at its Kentucky…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    The Shady Dealer’s Spookadelic Halloween Costume Guide

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Shady Dealer Halloween Task Force Oct. 31, 2018 Do you need a last minute creepy costume to spookify your jack-o-friends at the Halloween ghoul-bash? Don’t worry! The Shady Dealer has got you…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    How to Maximize Your O-Week Merch Haul

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Claire Holland Sept. 24, 2018   Hello, first years! We’re going to start the year with an important lesson: Contrary to what others may tell you, the goal of O-Week is not…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    The Chicago Shady Dealer’s Day-After-Father’s-Day Gift Guide

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By The News Desk June 18, 2018 Happy Father’s Day! Forgot to get your dad a Father’s Day gift? Forgot that Father’s Day was yesterday? Well, if you’re a shitty child, the Chicago…

    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Best Seller! Dean Boyer’s Book Just Sold its 100th Copy

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Daniel Lastres – Hyde Park, 2085 May 5, 2018 Roughly 70 years after it was first published, The University of Chicago: A History has sold its 100th copy and is well on…

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  • Apply for the Royal Internship
  • Bridge Between Quad and Reg Somehow Collapses Despite Being Solid Road
  • “Back to Basics” Aims of Education Address Stresses, Shapes, Counting

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