By James Ekstrom May 27, 2013 Last Wednesday began like any other spring day on the Quads. Frisbees were being thrown, classes were being conducted in the grass, and the sun’s rays were…

By Sam Spiegel April 25, 2013 In a recent survey conducted by the Democratic People’s Republic of North Korea’s Department of Education, and obtained by the Chicago Shady Dealer, a shocking 98% of…

By Ben Boyajian Feb. 24, 2013 Sunday morning, pandemonium reigned throughout the nation as citizens stabbed and bludgeoned each other to death in the streets. The cause of the killings remains unknown, but…

By Maya Handa Feb. 4, 2013 Unspeakably miserable Mexican painter Frida Kahlo flashed a rare smile yesterday after her husband, muralist Diego Rivera, tripped over a bucket of turpentine and ripped his pants.…

By Clay Olsen Jan. 3, 2013 In a development entirely consistent with the University of Chicago’’s commitment to the “Life of the Head”, the book retrieval robots in Mansueto have been revealed, by…

By Diane Zimmerman Nov. 10, 2012 The best place for a mathematician may be behind a counter, but reports this weekend found them on top of the bar. After a particularly difficult round…

By Sam Spiegel Oct. 21, 2012 The Diffident Tree Shrew, contrary to what its name implies, is neither diffident, nor tree-dwelling, nora shrew. A member of the mountain tortoise family, the diffident tree…

By Harry Weinstein Jan. 16, 2019 This past Sunday, Jeff Bezos’s wife of 25 years, MacKenzie, found something extra when she was checking the couple’s order backlog. “I was just scrolling through our Amazon orders,…

By Calpernia Higginbotham Dec. 5, 2018 You’ve done it. Everyone’s gone for the day—for classes, whatever that means. No one around, no one to bother you. You’ve got the apartment all to yourself.…

By Kelly Tsing Sum Lo Nov. 7, 2018   Former Attorney General Jeff Sessions, a man described by friends as “the world’s least magical elf”, resigned earlier today in a move that marks…