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Masthead

Editors in Chief

Lena Birkholz, Jacob Halabe, Maisie Thompson

Managing Editor

Andrea Zhou

Deputy Managing Editor

Griffin Bonnin Jones

Layout Editor

Abby Beckler

Deputy Layout Editor

Katherine Reynolds

Photo Editor

Zayna Cheema

Copy Editors

Justin Bilenker, Katherine Reynolds

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant. God is God, the river is swift, and we don’t give a fuck.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Using Local Resources, Peer Health Exchange Begins Educational Programs for UChicago Students

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Jeremy Wilson Nov. 10, 2012 Peer Health Exchange (PHE) recently expanded their mission from promoting safe sex practices in the surrounding community to helping UChicago students understand how to have sex. In…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Counterpoint: No guys, seriously, I’m the antichrist

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Ricky Stewart Oct. 21, 2012 If you’ve been following the news at all since President Obama took office, you’ve probably heard the rumors about how he’s a Muslim Antichrist sent from Kenya…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer,  World Affairs

    Climate Change PSA: Reindeer Can Fly, But They Sure as Hell Can’t Swim

    Breck Radulovic / March 16, 2013

    By Breck Radulovic Dec. 5, 2018 Baby, it’s cold outside! But not for much longer. Climate change is reaching the North Pole, and it’s not looking good for Santa’s reindeer. You’ve likely read…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    “I Don’t Live in a Bubble!” Student Tweets from Mansueto

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Sam Nitkin Dec. 5, 2018 At 12:38 p.m. on Wednesday, November 27, first-year student Katherine Blake tweeted to her 891 followers, “I don’t live in a bubble!” from the interior of the…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Every HUMA Class Ranked by How Badly You Have to Shit During it

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Christian Villanueva Nov. 11, 2018 8. Readings in World Literature How can a class make you need to poop? You don’t have to poop at all! You’re having a blast reading The…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    How to Communicate with Your Parents Through Your Amazon Order History

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Audrey Fromson Oct. 27, 2018 It’s amazingly easy to forget about the people who brought us into this world. Ghosting my parents is my fatal flaw; while it makes me seem cool…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    First Impressions: Writing a Bomb AF SOSC Essay

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Ella Hester Sept. 24, 2018   Look at you, in your little first year boots, squealing in terror about the impression you’ll make with your first SOSC essay. Have no fear, baby…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    From Russia with Language Barriers: 2018 World Cup Coverage

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Diego Matamoros June 18, 2018 Welcome to the World Cup We here at the Shady Dealer are proud to present our coverage of the 2018 World Cup, the most notable sporting event…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Where Are They Now? Checking in With The Class of 1890

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Deblina Mukherjee May 5, 2018 Hyde Park, 2018 For more than 265 years, University of Chicago alumni have contributed extensively to the life of the University and to the larger society. Today,…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    “I Got Rectally Stimulated by Toilet Water, And I Liked It”

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Cyrus Pacht April 20, 2018 I am a paragon of heterosexuality, or so my fraternity tells me. I’ve ogled girls since the third grade, and once—surpassing many a UChicago male—ventured to speak…

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Read It and Weep

  • President Alivisatos found drunk at frat party after US news report
  • Secretary of War Pete Hegseth Announces New Military Uniform Deal
  • Top 5 Places for Dads to Sulk During O Week
  • Societie of Loyale British Subjekts Seen Counter-Protesting “No Kings” Rally
  • Northwestern University Kidnaps Phil the Phoenix as “Revenge” for US News Ranking
  • Top 10 Places to Cry on Campus
  • House Council Begs First Years to Carry On Legacy
  • First Year accidentally goes to bed before 3 AM, profusely apologizes
  • Op-Ed: My mom had one Tylenol, my dad is circumsized, and I really like trains
  • “Yes, I’m a Baller” Says Mamdani After Cuomo Accuses Him of Being LeBron James in Disguise

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