By Nico Aldape Dec. 5, 2018 “Y’all young, broke twenty-somethings are coming into our town and stealing the jobs from all us older broke twenty-somethings,” said District of Columbia resident Sydney Pulisic. “Fuck all of you.”  Pulisic…

By Antonia Salisbury Nov. 2, 2018 Associate Vice President for Safety & Security, Eric M. Heath, and his lesser known, but equally influential twin brother, Erin N. Heath, are opponents within the world…

By Nico Aldape Oct. 26, 2018 Much like the weather alternating between highs of 70s and 40s each day, or my sleep schedule, the dairy section at seminal food market Hyde Park Produce…

By Dirk Lazenby Sept. 24, 2018   Dear Shady Dealer, During some routine Facebook stalking I discovered that my soon-to-be-roommate is a podcast fanatic. I don’t want to be rude or close-minded, but…

By Antonia Salisbury May 25, 2018 Frarty season is upon us, and you know what that means: barbecued mashed peas and a banana yogurt ice luge.  The Dealer began its reporting at the Fiji…

By Daniel Lastres May 5, 2018  An artist’s rendition of the fatal rally Hyde Park, 1892 In a bid to regain control of campus following more than a week of unrest, University administrators…

By Nik Varley April 20, 2018 Investigative journalists for the Chicago Shady Dealer have discovered the source of the grotesque and inflammatory posts frequently submitted to the popular UChicago Secrets Facebook page: a…

By Jacob Johnson Feb. 20, 2018 It’s been a revealing few months for celebrity worshippers out there. With a slew of scandals and abuse stories coming out, you might be wondering: who’s left…

By Milena Pross Jan. 30, 2018 Meat, cheese, eggs, gummy bears, honey, gummy bear-shaped jars of honey: these are just a few common food items that are not considered “vegan” by the masses.…

By Ella Hester Oct. 17, 2017   The air is crisp, the leaves are falling, and you are definitely going to get a UTI. Urinary tract infections are incredibly common for people of…