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Masthead

Editors in Chief

Lena Birkholz, Jacob Halabe, Maisie Thompson

Managing Editor

Andrea Zhou

Deputy Managing Editor

Griffin Bonnin Jones

Layout Editor

Abby Beckler

Deputy Layout Editor

Katherine Reynolds

Photo Editor

Zayna Cheema

Copy Editors

Justin Bilenker, Katherine Reynolds

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant. God is God, the river is swift, and we don’t give a fuck.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Joe Biden Accidentally Slips Tongue into Mother’s Ear

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Sam Taylor March 1, 2015 Vice President Joe Biden was photographed last Saturday vigorously fondling his mother’s left earlobe during a private family gathering at his Washington D.C. residence. “What made it…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    News in Brief: January 30

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Chicago Shady Dealer Feb. 1, 2015 In order to best serve the needs of the University of Chicago community, the Dealer has decided to publish weekly news briefs in addition to its…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    French Politician “Relieved” Islamophobic Laws Were Worded Inoffensively

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Si Squires-Kasten Jan. 14, 2015 Following the January 7th attack on the offices of Charlie Hebdo, a French satirical magazine, Minister of the Interior Bernard Cazeneuve expressed “profound gratitude” that his country…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    5 Easy DIY Thanksgiving Recipes

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Sam Taylor Nov. 28, 2014 Spending too much time slaving away in the kitchen this Thanksgiving? Holiday stress bogging you down? Do your eroding lips scream out for the thirst-quenching milk of…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    10 Signs You’re Being Hit On

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Willamina Groething Nov. 16, 2014 1. You keep bumping into each other, and it’s feeling more and more deliberate on her part. 2. It’s as though the wind’s knocked out of you…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Goose Makes Classic “Goose” Face

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Chris Deakin Oct. 24, 2014 This morning, around 10 a.m., local accountant Irene Berger observed local goose Patrick the Goose make a particularly “goose” face. Berger recounted to The Dealer that she…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    First year Displays Dominance by Sexiling Roommate, Urinating on Laptop

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Isaac Krone Aug. 10, 2014 After a devastating thirteen hours of sexile, Hitchcock resident Ryan Thompson was able to re-enter his beloved room—a room now deeply scarred by a bitter battle for…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Doctors without Boyers Embarks on First Mission

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Daniel Moattar April 21, 2014 The Pritzker School of Medicine’s inaugural Doctors Without Boyers expedition departed Hyde Park for the Republic of Somaliland today, becoming the first party of U.S. doctors to…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Math Estimated at 90%

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Isaac Krone April 20, 2014 Prominent mathematician Dr. Ernest Poyevski shocked the mathematics world yesterday when he presented a paper, to be published in Communications on Pure and Applied Mathematics, which estimates…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Nondorf Appointed Director of UCMC Patient Admissions

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013

    By Alex Dunlap Feb. 20, 2014 James G. Nondorf, the Univeristy of Chicago’s Dean of College Admissions and Financial Aid, has been appointed the first Director of Patient Admissions for the University of…

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