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Scientists Finish Figuring Out Which Berries Kill You
The scientists who have compiled this list have not publicly revealed their methods, but an inside source claims it was done through a highly advanced scientific process known as “trial and error.”
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Ye Olde Book Review: The Bible- 7/10, Needs Work
Ultimately, we found that the story is fairly unrealistic, with a deeply unrelatable protagonist “God” isolating the audience from the other characters, which we ultimately come to know and love.
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Top 20 Men In Your Village Who Aren’t Your Brother
#13 will shock and impress you!
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Meet the Local Cow Named Least Likely to Burn Down City
When reached for comment, O’Leary stated that she was “mighty proud of Betsy” and, now that the cow was newly certified not to be fire-prone, would reward her with a toasty gas lamp…
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Man Shouts Fire in Crowded Library of Alexandria
Last Thursday, shortly after the sundial struck VIII, a fire reportedly broke out in the geometry section of the Library of Alexandria, where a crowd had gathered to watch famed geometer Eratosthenes Pedantos’…
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Jackass Runs 26.2 Miles, Demands Medal
After running this distance and relaying his message, that narcissist Pheidippides reportedly demanded a medallion of pure gold, eyewitnesses reported.
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Analyst Who Predicted Eight of the Last Ten Plagues Predicts Another
Ahmenhatek VIII, a diviner and analyst from north of Memphis, is renowned across the kingdom for accurately predicting eight of the last ten plagues. His 2500 B.C. papyrus entitled “Buy Gold Before the…
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Get Ripped Like A Hill Tribesman: Follow This New Workout and Diet Plan to Lose That Valley Dweller Flab
Tired of looking like a less-than-great ape? Sick of falling behind on hunts? Feel like a loser while watching those hill tribesmen get laid at the solstice celebration? Diet: It’s easy to let…
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Point/Counterpoint: The Invention of Calculus
Gottfried Leibniz Did Not Read Doing Honest Work in College By Isaac Newton Gottfried Leibniz is a lying plagiarist. I spent twenty freaking years toiling over my books and deriving mathematical equations, and…
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My Love Life Was A Lot Better Before Glasses Were Invented
MILAN, ITALY – Fuck you, Niccolo Alfonso. You came walking down the streets of Milan just a few years ago flexing your new invention. “Look, you all can finally see clearly, even far…
