Historical Issue
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Well Intentioned Abolitionist Seen Digging Tunnel from Maine to Canada, Directionally Challenged?
The Dealer was politely confused, as she was digging southward, and tried to ask the source herself. When questioned, Well Intentioned said that she was digging the escape tunnels, and that with the…
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Benedict Arnold Emerges as Favorite to Win “Best Continental Army General of the Year”
As you recall, Arnold was snubbed at the Washies last year over suspicions that his famously Loyalist wife and famously massive debts were beginning to affect his loyalties. Ridiculous! The man is allowed…
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Local Serialized Novel Enters Five Hundred and Seventh Chapter
The main storyline of The Abandoned Plot was resolved in Chapter 43, when the heroine, Genevieve, died clutching the locket she had recently inherited from her long-lost mother. However, Miss Norwich insists that…
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Point: It Is the Best of Times / Counterpoint: It Is the Worst of Times
O, what a time to be alive! There are a few idiots (who pay their friends to explain Adam Smith to them) at the apex of society, while the masses toil for a…
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Charlatan Accused of Selling Fake Tulips Found Hiding Buckets of Paint Behind a Windmill
Unless you have decided to establish your domicile under some sedimentary formation, you may have turned your ear to our own fair tulip market. The most popular varietal at this time has been…
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Disgusting Mouse Cartoon Repulses Nation
His ribald and impudent manner has already provoked fierce backlash from audiences, who have branded him a “verminous disciple of Lucifer” and “Doctor Moreau’s most lamentable creation.”
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Point: Your Country’s Science Education is Lacking; Counterpoint: WE GOT THE MOON FIRST CRY ABOUT IT
WHO NEEDS EDUCATION WHEN WE HAVE NUKES AND A ROCKETSHIP TO THE MOON
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U.S. Declares Victory in Cold War as Bush Shellacs Gorbachev in Potato Sack Race
“Well gosh darn it, I’m just about as pleased as punch,” a breathless, ruddy-cheeked Bush told reporters following the race. “I don’t even know if I’ll take the sack off. Maybe this will…
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Richard Nixon Dazzles Nation With Beautiful Swimsuit Bod
Although reports stated that Nixon “was whispering a lot” and “looked like he hadn’t slept in days,” it’s safe to say that his disheveled look is certainly doing things for us!
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Pigs Rooted Out of Truffle-Hunting Business by Sick New Dog Breed
“Now that these dumb dogs are hogging all the truffles, I’m finished,” local boar Mario Roccaforte told the Dealer. “I had the sharpest snout of any porker this side of the Fiumi Uniti,…
