“It’s well known that 99% of gamblers quit right before they win big. $10,000 is quite big, but $10,000,000 is even bigger”, UChicago Gambling Club president, Adam Rouletteman, stated after the victory.

“Woodlawn Residential Commons is a place for students to feel welcome, and is often in very high demand for students to enter, especially on the weekends. We know our building is sought after…

The plan will require 36 painters, 5 months, 4 million dollars, and will make the weird glass library from Divergent look like a seasonal vegetable. UChicago has recently faced many public accusations of…

At long last, The University acknowledges these students, hears their soft-spoken, noncommittal cries, and answers with a major tailored to their majorlessness: The Indecisive Major.

“I feel deeply ashamed that I violated UChicago’s code of academic honesty,” the moon said, in an exclusive interview with the Dealer.

Following a precipitous drop in the US News College Ranking, students of the university have made a surprising discovery: everything is just a little worse now!

A study conducted in Beginner’s Poetry Workshop has ultimately declared feedback from Kyle, a student in the Monday/Wednesday section, to be ineffective at improving the quality of the work of a fellow student,…

Alivasatos is alleged to have submitted papers which contain nothing but basic information about chemical elements taken directly from the periodic table.

The spokesperson for this committee asserted that “a healthy amount of hydrogen and oxygen atoms will enter the student’s stomach instead of the sugar they inhale all the time.” She asked us to…