“While our legacy is defined by immolating, decapitating, drowning, and otherwise exterminating puppies with maximum prejudice, we recognize the need to change the narrative. We’re exploring the feasibility of potentially considering alternatives—someday.” 

After a thorough psychological evaluation of the student, Housing & Residence Life approved the request.

“I just saw a Sidechat post about a bicycle. Who is Dean Boyer? Is he like a student or something?”

Is all this security really necessary? For your convenience and my sanity, we propose some reasonable alternatives to DUO two-factor authentication.

In an exclusive interview, Myers told The Dealer, “I got tired of walking backwards, wildly gesticulating, explaining that I personally picked this school because my dad went here, and telling prospective students that…

When pressed for comment, the Free Speech program's director offered a cryptic defense. "Cancer grows, just like ideas. It’s a metaphor. Or maybe it’s not. You decide—that's free speech in action.”

Using empirical methods and qualitative analysis inspired by the teachings of Aristotle, a team of researchers will determine the best, most virtuous way to live.

“Is it performance art? Is it a protest? Or does he just really hate indoor plumbing?” mused one sociology professor, who plans to write a paper titled Defecation and Devastation: Urban Anarchy in…

Following a university-wide poll, our researchers at The Dealer have come to the conclusion that midterms have been mediocre all around.