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Econ Professor: University Could “Fix Deficit” by Repossessing Free Orientation T-Shirts
You’ll remember this interview even if I don’t give you a T-shirt, won’t you? So the whole T-shirt business boils down to an unnecessary expense,” said Niro, thoughtfully stroking his bust of Milton…
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Student to Test Limits of Regenstein’s “Snacks but No Meals” Policy
“The picture on the sign explaining the food and drink policy says that pretzels are okay but hamburgers are not,” Hainault says. “But what about one of those really big pretzels you get…
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Student killed by Roommate’s Anthropomorphic Lamp
Through tears, Wagner’s roommate said, “The lamp—it was just something I found on Amazon. I didn’t think it had violent tendencies. The reviews were good… four and a half stars, rounding up.”
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Top Five Foods to Try… Er, Tables to Visit at the Study Abroad Fair
It is a universally acknowledged truth that a student who lived through their first Chicago winter wants an excuse to avoid a second. There are certainly other places to go instead—some even University-sanctioned!
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Wet Socks Make Students More Productive, Says Designer of the Sidewalk Outside Cobb Hall
The underground reservoir also channels a significant amount of toxic gas into Cobb Café. The water that pools in front of Cobb Hall forms a secret elixir, which once deposited on socks creates…
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The Campus Printer Decides My Essay Is Simply Not Meant to Be
Relationships are based on mutual respect, consistency, and support. For two years, I thought we had that. But last night, when I needed him the most, the campus printer made it clear that…
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Alivisatos to Demolish the “bad parts” of Harper Library for a square-dancing arena
Alivisatos added that the remaining two floors of the building will be suspended from six cranes spaced strategically around Harper Quadrangle. To get to the upper floors, students will need to use a…
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University installs large trapdoor in the Reg that swallows students, Tuition still Rising
What is in the deep, dark abyss?? No one really knows or cares.
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Professor Who Takes Ten Weeks to Grade Papers Shocked by Late Assignment
“Deadlines are sacred,” said Stenton, who has not yet graded the assignments submitted during the Carter administration – the first one. “They teach students discipline, something many of them clearly lack.”
