By Daniel Ruttenberg April 23, 2016 When I was a kid, I used to love baseball. Yessir, my ideal Friday was not ‘nt playing board games or running outside, it wasbut watching a…

By Jimmy Wustler Feb. 22, 2016 In a Shady Dealer exclusive, tThe University of Chicago has announced that the new Campus North Residential Hall will be named the Donald J. Trump Residential Hall.…

By Nik Varley Feb. 18, 2016 In a display that eyewitnesses called “devastatingdevasting” and “jaw– dropping”, area student James Wilbur lost control of his sandwich earlier this afternoon. The sandwich, which contained a…

By Breck Radulovic, 1871 Jan. 22, 2016 To the Editor: Recent accusations of arson against me have deeply troubled my conscience, and I am writing from the confines of Cook County jail to…

By Nik Varley Jan. 11, 2016 Employees of the office of career advancement were surprised this Thursday when their Taking the Next Step seminar devolved into an all– out fuckfest. Students, faculty, and…

By Daniel Ruttenberg Dec. 31, 2015 According to Shady Dealer reporters, at Bar Night on January 6, y 10th, third-year Lisa D’Angelo thought experimented for the first time with a woman by, as…

By Nik Varley Nov. 12, 2015 Earlier this week, US News and World Report released their annual rankings of the nation’s most prestigious prisons. The 5 top top 5 ranked prisons have been…

By Grace Quigley Nov. 2, 2015 DETROIT– Economists and demographers have noted a distinct negative correlation between blackouts and gentrification in certain neighborhoods here following the Great Recession of 2008. .In the turmoil…

By Morgan Pantuck Oct. 19, 2015 According to eyewitness reports, area flu-victim Walter Atkins was forced to re-evaluate the feasibility of continuing to blow his nose into a tissue that he had already…

By Willamina Greothing Sept. 22, 2015