By Nico Aldape April 20, 2016 IInspired by the proposedhow the federal government may move of marijuana from a Schedule I to Schedule II controlled substance, which would allow for further recreational use…

By Evan Bernstein Nov. 16, 2014 The Chicago Macaroon has existed since the University of Chicago’s founding in 1892, and has in that time broken some tremendous stories. Ranging from pieces on the…

By Scott Mendelssohn Oct. 24, 2012 Like many Americans, Ray Balgier is not pleased with this presidential election cycle. He, like a growing number of his peers, is a straw man, a group…

By Reed Thurston Nov. 11, 2015 Eyewitness reports confirmed recently that Alan Sanderson, senior Economics lecturer for the University of Chicago, was trapped underneath an upturned carboard box on the northeast corner of…

By Ryan Fleishman May 11, 2017 Wall Street Is Filled With Evil Capitalist Scum Except My DadListen up, sheeple. Now that you’ve spent some time at the University of Chicago, you should be…

By Adam Lowinger Feb. 18, 2016 In light of Senator Bernie Sanders’ recent success among the younger voters demographics, High-upsenior members of the Sanders cCampaign staff have begun to notices changes in thethe…

By Chris Deakin Oct. 24, 2014 This morning, around 10 a.m., local accountant Irene Berger observed local goose Patrick the Goose make a particularly “goose” face. Berger recounted to The Dealer that she…

By Jean-Jacques Buterbaugh Dec. 5, 2018 You got home for winter break the other day but you can feel a lingering tension in the air. Your parents seem excited to see you but they…

By Nik Varley, Jamestown 1607 Feb. 7, 2017 Jamestown, Virginia, 1607 – Sources have confirmed that the first white people have arrived in the New World and have immediately begun explaining to the…

By Daniel Ruttenberg Dec. 31, 2015 1. The Golden Man Might Get Lonely! People aren’t the only ones who get lonely, you know. The Golden Man deserves a friend too. 2. The Oscar…