-
9 Things You Should NEVER Say to a Pre-Med
By Nik Varley Feb. 18, 2016 9. If your GPA drops below 3.5, will you be incinerated by a bolt of lightning? – This one’s actually a common misconception. The bolt of lightning…
-
Pope Ends Flirtation with Homosexuality
By Si Squires-Kasten Oct. 23, 2014 After a draft Vatican document calling for greater openness towards homosexuals was voted down by the Catholic synod on Saturday, several cardinals expressed relief that Pope Francis’s…
-
First Year Drops HUMA, Claims It Does Not ‘Spark Joy’
By Emily Feigenbaum Jan. 23, 2019 Inspired by the KonMari organizational methods popularized by the Netflix series “Tidying Up with Marie Kondo,” a first-year in the College announced that she will drop her…
-
There Are Missiles 90 Miles off the Shore of the US and Honestly I’m Kind of Turned On
By President John F. Kennedy, Washington DC 1962 Feb. 6, 2017 Today, our planet sits onat the verge of global nuclear meltdown. The USSR has placed an unknown number of warheads on the…
-
A Five-Star Review of Riding my Bike on the Sidewalk
By Alan Rogers Dec. 31, 2015 The wind in my hair, the dewy sheen of sweat upon my forehead, the screams of pedestrians… Ah, yes. My name is Alan Rogers and I love…
-
How an Asteroid Destroying the Earth Affects the 2016 Presidential Election
By Morgan Pantuck Feb. 24, 2014 With the next presidential race only two short years away, it’s time to start seriously speculating about the outcome of the 2016 election. Prominent political analysts have…
-
How to Maximize Your O-Week Merch Haul
By Claire Holland Sept. 24, 2018 Hello, first years! We’re going to start the year with an important lesson: Contrary to what others may tell you, the goal of O-Week is not…
-
Opinion: If You Eat Prosciutto, You Are No Longer a Member of the Proletariat
By Nico Aldape Nov. 25, 2016 The current state of our capitalist system is dire. We need everyoneall people we can to turn back the rising tide of the neo-fascist, white supremacist bourgeoisie.…
-
Obama Weds Shinzo Abe in Trans-Pacific Partnership
By Zachary Spitz Oct. 16, 2015 To finalize the Trans-Pacific Partnership, President Barack Obama married Prime Minister Shinzo Abe of Japan in a ceremony in Atlanta this week.The historic partnership is the culmination…
-
Everyone Deserves to Attend This School Except Todd
By Robert Zimmer Nov. 9, 2013 Hello, students! With finals looming just around the corner, I suspect many of you are beginning to feel anxious and overwhelmed. You may be wondering, “Am I…
