By Maya Handa Dec. 17, 2012 We at The Dealer understand that life is hard, and making New Year’s Resolutions is often an exercise in failure. So why start the New Year on…

By Nik Varley April 20, 2017 New Divinity School Dean Strings Up Sinners in the Village Square On March 28th, The University of Chicago announced that Laurie Zoloth, a preeminent religious scholar, has…

By Liam Coles Jan. 29, 2016 Rapper and Social Justice Warrior Ben “Macklemore” Haggerty is currently searching for another marginalized group save after yet again putting an end to an injustice with his…

By Evan Bernstein Oct. 21, 2014 After quite a night of drinking and thinking, smarties at parties had too much Bacardi and fell into a well of crying and sighing, not one son…

By Emily Feigenbaum Dec. 5, 2018 Dating at UChicago can be difficult. Sometimes it’s not so clear whether that special person is demonstrating an interest in you or if he’s drumming up attention…

By 21st Amendment, 1933 Feb. 5, 2017 CP: 21st Ammendment: Nooo, You’re Drunk!! Pshhhh. Me, dDrunk? I’m not drunk! You’re drunk! If I’m sooo drunk, then how come you’re the one spinning in…

By Daniel Ruttenberg Nov. 19, 2015 NASA Astronomer Charles Ledson announced on Thursday that they had discovered water in Breckinridge, a satellite dorm of the University of Chicago. “Today is a truly momentous…

By Matthew Goldenberg Feb. 22, 2014 In a speech Monday, Pope Francis decreed that infanticide is the only form of birth control that the world’s 1.2 billion Catholics are permitted to use. As…

By Deblina Mukherjee Sept. 24, 2018 1. When people ask if you peaked in college, you will be able to unambiguously answer, “No!” Ah, the thrill of posting memes regurgitated from Twitter and…

By Dan Lastres Nov. 15, 2016 The holidays are here, and you already know that at this year’s party, somebody is going to bring that tangy tough nightmare in your mouth we all…