By Isaac Krone Nov. 16, 2014 Lampshade, red with lace edges, purchased last February to replace the one that Andre punched in half when he drank too much tequila. I’m a simple apparatus,…

By Walker King Oct. 21, 2012 For years, people have doubted me when I told themBarack Obama’s shocking secret: he is the Antichrist described in the Book of Revelations, a King of ancient…

By Nik Varley March 2, 2017 On February 24th, the Trump administration denied The New York Times, CNN, Politico and other major news outlets access to a major White House press briefing. We…

By Sam Zoeller Jan. 4, 2016 Montclair, New Jersey – Amelia Peterson, a first year at The College, has received several stern looks from high school acquaintances after following random groups of girls…

By Zach Augustine April 20, 2014 1. When Craig threw that Frisbee into oncoming traffic on the Midway. Hilarious! 2. Who could forget the infamous guacamole incident last winter at Jimmy’s? Craig seemed…

By The IOP Oct. 31, 2018   Hey you scum-sucking freedom-slut, I heard you hadn’t voted yet. Have you heard the news? This is AMERICA. People died and shit so you could take…

By Chase Harrison Jan. 17, 2017 With his voice echoing through the 70 foot tall glass ceiling of the lobby of the Francis and Rose Yuen Center, UChicago President Robert Zimmer announced that…

By Ryan Fleishman Oct. 31, 2015 Last Thursday, Dean Boyer and his fellow rulers of The University of Chicago have = banned all forms of lactose-intolerance, ranging from mild lactose-aversion to full blown…

By Evan Bernstein Dec. 24, 2013 Citing the stress of midterms and the “total need for some chillaxing,” Dean Boyer has declared a campus-wide “weed weekend” beginning January 16th, 2014. Although the traditional…

By Deblina Mukherjee May 5, 2018 Hyde Park, 2018 For more than 265 years, University of Chicago alumni have contributed extensively to the life of the University and to the larger society. Today,…