By Paul Alves May 14, 2016 Jeb! and Hillary Clinton have announced a joint effort to stop the political momentum of Donald Trump: a brand new campaign cooking line. This line of accoutrements will help…

By Nico Aldape May 13, 2016 In a recent study published by multiple members of the University of Chicago Department of Statistics, recently murdered deceased statistics professor Angelino Drinkwater has been found uniformlynormally…

By Teddy Zamborsky April 23, 2016 Last week, I convinced Domino’s Pizza to bake me into a giant pie. A pizza pie. Like tThe kind with cheese, not fruit. Look at the picture,.…

By Juan Caicedo Feb. 19, 2016 Western society already trails a long litany of discrimination behind it, including racism, homophobia, and misogyny. But so far one form of discrimination has been left out:…

By Jacob Levin Feb. 16, 2016 According to sources close to the Shady Dealer, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg sent out a mass email this Sunday to over 100 of her colleagues…

By Adam Lowinger Jan. 22, 2016 After rigorous pseudo-investigation of natural phenomena, physicians around the European continent are excited to report the discovery of a fifth humor: ectoplasm. The discovery of this humor…

By Sam Zoeller Jan. 4, 2016 Montclair, New Jersey – Amelia Peterson, a first year at The College, has received several stern looks from high school acquaintances after following random groups of girls…

By Alan Rogers Dec. 31, 2015 The wind in my hair, the dewy sheen of sweat upon my forehead, the screams of pedestrians… Ah, yes. My name is Alan Rogers and I love…

By Daniel Ruttenberg Nov. 12, 2015 I’ve let this go on for long enough, Pat. I know you’re just jacking off in your room. I’m not buying the “sexile” routine again. You really…

By John Veillette Oct. 31, 2015 In Genesis, the God character, who is of course just a character because a divine being is a fiction for those too weak to face the realities…