By Antonia Salisbury Nov. 2, 2018 Associate Vice President for Safety & Security, Eric M. Heath, and his lesser known, but equally influential twin brother, Erin N. Heath, are opponents within the world…

By Nik Varley Jan. 27, 2017 Mandel Hall – 9:30 P.M. Following reports of screams, chaos, and general unrest at Mandel Hall, eyewitnesses have confirmed that the sisters of Pi Beta Phi began…

By Evan Gorstein and Hillel Steinmetz Nov. 11, 2015 It was quite the miracle. UChicago sSecond-year undergraduate Judah Greenberg’s novelty bong remained lit for eight nights in a row, finally going out on…

By Maximilian Rochester, Theatre Critic (April 15, 1865) Jan. 24, 2014 Americans across our great union are mourning today for the loss of a strong and noble leader who has carried us through…

By Ella Hester May 25, 2018 Hey Ed Zamb You’re the manb You have a son named Teddy And a heart that’s ready To ‘like’ our pieces Your support never ceases Never leave…

By Daniel Ruttenberg Nov. 12, 2016 UChicago is known worldwide as a paragon of free expression. I can’t imagine myself being as comfortable with speaking my mind about Mad Men anywhere other than…

By Willamina Groething Aug. 1, 2015 1. Pick your new friend and follow them closely 24/7. Once they get used to seeing you everywhere, it will be like you already know each other…

By Evan Bernstein Oct. 17, 2013 According to sources familiar with the matter, a portrait has been commissioned of Dr. Maxwell T. Pennyweather, President of the University of Chicago’s Wealth Studies program. Pennyweather…

By Nik Varley Feb. 20, 2018 At approximately 11:30 p.m., The Shady Dealer received a tip claiming that there is an enormous pile of visibly-stained David Lynch posters outside the Doc Films office…

By Nik Varley Aug. 10, 2016 Congratulations, your childhood is over! Your carefree days of youth and innocence are now gone forever, and you’ve taken your first step into the festering quagmire of…