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Real Man Speaks: Telling My Girlfriend To Calm Down Works Literally Every Time
By Lucas Chen April 27, 2015 Women can be very emotional. I recently read a New York Times article that claimed that women’s emotions are an asset, not a liability. But when it’s…
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President Zimmer Occupies Admin Building: demands less transparency, less student input
By James Ekstrom April 28, 2013 This morning, at 8:00 a.m., University staff attempting to begin work at the University Administration Building found the doors and ground-floor windows locked and barricaded from the…
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Seven Healthy Butter Substitutes
By Megan Parsons Jan. 29, 2018 Hey there, everyone, Megan here, aka Meg, aka Super Mommy. Trying to eat healthier in 2018? Have no fear! Eating well can be daunting, but these seven…
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Since You’re in the Market for a New Country…
By Daniel Ruttenberg June 25, 2016 Don’t go changing your flag just yet, because we have an offer for you. You’ve got a vacancy, and we want in. That’s right: The Ruttenberg Family…
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News in Brief: January 30
By Chicago Shady Dealer Feb. 1, 2015 In order to best serve the needs of the University of Chicago community, the Dealer has decided to publish weekly news briefs in addition to its…
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Likeness of Toast Found on Virgin Mary
By Jeremy Archer Feb. 4, 2013 JERUSALEM (AP): Sources close to the Messiah report the peculiar outline of toast on the face of the Lady Marian, mother of Jesus Christ. Machir, 34, a…
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First Year Excited to be Surrounded by Diverse Group of Assholes
By Morgan Pantuck, 5th Year Student Aug. 17, 2017 Incoming first year Brian Porter is extremely excited to be attending a top-tier institution like the University of Chicago where he can “finally gain…
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P/CP: Help! I got a “2100” on my STD
By Danny Marcus and Daniel Markus April 5, 2016 Point: Help, I got “2100” on my STD test By Danny Marcus Excuse me,—does anyone know what it means to get a 2100 on…
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The P in P-Set is Silent
By Editorial Board Nov. 16, 2014 We realize that at the University of Chicago, stress can get to you. There are classes to take, midterms for which to study, student groups in which…
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Report: 78% of Brita filter owners are the only ones who ever fill the damn thing
By Becky Stoner Oct. 22, 2012 A study conducted by researchers in the Division of the Social Sciences at the University of Chicago found that 78% of Brita filter owners report being the…