By Abigail Fitsworth Feb. 18, 2016 Dear Sir or Madam: Upon moving into residential housing as a first year, I was delighted to learn about the existence of “Wellczars,” such as yourself, whose…

By Isaac Krone Oct. 24, 2014 This Thursday, tech giant Apple Inc. astonished the world by unveiling a revolutionary cloud-based system for delivering water to farmers in developing and industrialized nations. At a…

By Sophia Lubarr Feb. 20, 2019          Karl Lagerfeld, legendary Chanel director and force unto himself, passed away today at a very fashionable and critically acclaimed 85.   A source…

By Trojans, 1300 BCE Feb. 6, 2017 Hey guys, you see this? By Aphrodite’s large busty blessing, how are we so lucky?. LOOK AT THIS BIG-G– ASS MOTHERFUCKING HORSE. What do you mean,…

By Chase Harrison Dec. 31, 2015 While other UChicago students will be traveling to Paris, Beijing, and Oaxaca in the winter quarter, third-year Junior Kelsey Shippman will be immersing herself in perhaps the…

By James Ekstrom and Chris Deakin April 1, 2014 To Whom it May Concern: After nearly 10 years as a publication, it has come to our attention that the editorial board, along with…

By Olivia Reeves Oct. 18, 2018   At 11:03 this morning, second year Callie Plimmer found more support than she anticipated behind her choice to leave Gender Civ to use the bathroom, when…

By Marlin Figgins Dec. 8, 2016 For the uninitiated, in most every household in the United States, the real star of any family meal is the chitterlings. Those sweet, foul-smelling pig parts could…

By Morgan Pantuck Oct. 19, 2015 According to eyewitness reports, area flu-victim Walter Atkins was forced to re-evaluate the feasibility of continuing to blow his nose into a tissue that he had already…

By Alex Foster Nov. 9, 2013 Vyom Khan, a second-year in the College, was declared winner of the Institute of Politics on Tuesday when he successfully caressed David Axelrod’scalf during that afternoon’s Fellows…