Andrew Cuomo announces 2028 presidential campaign
Former New York Governor Andrew Cuomo has announced his campaign for the presidency in 2028 after analysts have declared his political career “joever,” following his recent defeat in the New York City mayoral election.
“After giving it my all against my opponents, the voters’ message to me is clear,” said Cuomo. “The people of New York want me out of the city… SO I CAN REPRESENT THEM IN WASHINGTON AS PRESIDENT!! SIKE!”
Other potential candidates include former Vice President and perennial runner-up Kamala Harris, nationally beloved former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, Blue State Terminator and California Governor Gavin Newsom, and former President Joe Biden. When asked about this lineup, an anonymous official in the Democratic National Committee said, “We’ve received the message from swing state voters, and we think this lineup will please our increasingly progressive base as well as the working class voters in Pennsylvania and Ohio. We promise we’ve learned from our mistakes.”
Republicans, on the other hand, showed little trepidation at Cuomo’s announcement. The @GOP handle on X, formerly known as Twitter, replied to Cuomo’s announcement post. “You can’t even do sexual harassment scandals as well as us.” The account then followed it up by quote-tweeting, “POWER! UNLIMITED POWER!!!”
Developments on possible Republican candidates have been limited, though the pinned tweet of @GOP reads, “You know exactly who it will be.”
Justin Bilenker
Copy Editor 2023-2025
Emperor 2025-2026
