Societie of Loyale British Subjekts Seen Counter-Protesting “No Kings” Rally

Amid the recent “No Kings” protests in downtown Chicago were three counter-protesters belonging to the Societie of Loyale British Subjekts, founded in 1772 to counter the influence of the Sons of Liberty. The three demonstrators marched with signs bearing the messages “Olive Branche Petition Nowe,” “Crush the Perfidious Traitores,” and “If It Weren’t for Samuel Adams I’d be Drinking Tea Right Now” while singing “God Save the King.”

Asked to explain the Societie’s political principles, chapter leader Thomas Galloway responded, “We believe that the American founding wast an act of treason against our most benevolent and gracious monarch, King George III. We hope that a reunion with the Mother Country will allow dear old England to forgive us poor colonists for calling King George a tyrant and for refusing to switcheth to the metric system.”

According to the Societie’s informational leaflet, which Galloway himself painstakingly typeset, the Societie boasts just under 25 members spread throughout the United States, or, as the Societie calls it, “the Most Unhapp’ly Treasonous Colonies Always and Forever of HIS MAJESTY THE KING OF ENGLAND.” Their recent projects include sponsoring a water fountain in honor of King George in a small public park in Pikeville, Kentucky and lobbying (unsuccessfully) for Thesaurus.com to take “Benedict Arnold” off of its list of synonyms for “traitor.”