Harper Releases New Specialty Drinks
- Dirty Borscht: This warm and hearty beet soup is improved by a shot of espresso. A perfect pick-me-up for a frosty day!
- Indie Street Cred: a pressed vinyl copy of MJ Lenderman’s Manning Fireworks ground up and blended into a cappuccino. Choke it down like the cool guy you are.
- Greater Fire: Cranberry juice and Red Bull.
- Straight Vodka: Just like dad used to make!
- Matchaider Latte: Matcha, cider, and chai. A drinkable portmanteau.
- PBR: Peanut Butter Root Beer (What did you think we were talking about?)
- As I walked out one evening by W.H. Auden: “O look, look in the mirror / O look in your distress / Life remains a blessing / Although you cannot bless”
- A drip coffee (now takes only 15 minutes!)
- Michael: He’s got such pretty eyes. God I love Michael.
- The UChicago: Dean Boyer’s tears.
All drinks available with any milks, including Oat, Pea, Macadamia, Sesame, Almond, Breast, Potato, and Alpaca
Jacob Halabe is a pseudonym of famously reclusive author JD Salinger. Despite reports that he died in 2010, Salinger is actually alive and well, posing as a fourth year History major at the University of Chicago. Jacob (ie: Salinger) is a big fan of The Shady Dealer and also serves as a co-Editor-in-Chief. When not penning satire, you can find him working on his forthcoming novel The Catcher in the Rye 2: This Time It's Personal
[Note: He assumes no legal liability if -- upon reading this bio -- you are filled with the uncontrollable urge to kill John Lennon]
Lena Birkholz is a second-year in the College who somehow seems to be turning out exactly like her parents. When not writing biting exposes of the university for the Dealer, Lena enjoys mispronouncing the word "corps", jaywalking and taking up space in coffeeshops
