Dog Couple Discuss Getting Neutered in Light of Political Climate
Local labradors Grizzly and Lola-Bear Retriever are discussing getting “fixed” following the introduction of H.R. 722, which proposes a national abortion ban. The Retrievers, who have raised two litters of puppies in the three years that they have been married, cite decreasing access to reproductive healthcare as the impetus for their decision to get “the snip.”
“Bitches like me are at a high risk for pyometra,” says five-year-old Lola-Bear, a yellow lab, “and following recent decisions made by the federal government, I don’t trust that doctors will prioritize my well-being over the status of a hypothetical litter.”
Chocolate lab Grizzly cites the rise of the “canosphere” as additional incentive to get neutered. “Dogs these days are so insecure in their masculinity that they’ll bark at any intact guy they smell. I’m a sensitive guy—it’s why I became a therapy dog—and I just can’t deal with the pressures of testosterone any longer. Plus, the vet tells me that if we go in together, we get a discount and matching tattoos.”
“And you know what they say,” Lola-Bear chimes in, tail wagging. “Dogs who get spayed together—”
“—Stay together,” Grizzly finishes.
When the Dealer left the Retrievers, they were discussing whether they wanted to decorate their cones to look like martini glasses or sunflowers.
Katherine Reynolds
Katherine likes dogs.
