5 Things to Bean at Your Frat Pledges Instead of Eggs
Times are difficult! Grocery prices have risen over the past few years, and thanks to a smidgen of bird flu, eggs are more expensive than ever, at almost $5 a dozen in Illinois. Scandalous! If you’re a brother with the job of initiating the new pledge class, that’s basically $5 down the hole for each of those bratty first years on your driveway. Luckily, it doesn’t have to be this way. Here are 5 egg alternatives you can chuck at your pledges to keep hazing economical.
Water Balloons
A healthy dose of Chicago tap water to the eyes would work just like an egg yolk. You can also get creative with ice water, boiling water, and so on.
Rocks
No matter how our quirky government tries to mess with the economy, the power of nature is always free and there when you need it.
Used Blunts
Frats usually have a lot of these, right? We know you’re not going to reduce. Recycle gets a bad reputation. Reuse, however, works quite well! You don’t even have to snuff them out first.
Smoke Bombs
Get someone in the chemistry department to hook you up. With a smoke bomb, you can really put the “haze” in “hazing”.
Eggshells Filled With Butter
Eggs are delicious! So we get it if you feel the need to buy them. But you may as well eat them and save the shells to fill with some other fat-protein mixture. That way you get a two for one special.
Justin Bilenker
Copy Editor 2023-2025
Emperor 2025-2026
