“Who is Dean Boyer?” asks confused First Year
First-year student John Whomst asked “Who is Dean Boyer?” in Hallowed Grounds last Thursday. The booming jazz music immediately stopped. “What?” several third- and fourth-years asked simultaneously. “I just saw a Sidechat post about a bicycle. Who is Dean Boyer? Is he like a student or something?” Whomst added timidly.
The first year’s silly little question received a burp and a cough in reply. As Whomst left Reynolds Club, the fundraising students in the lobby silently stared at him. They did not ask him to purchase a bun, nor make eye contact.
The Woodlawn RAs took Whomst aside as soon as he entered his house lounge to educate him—the news had apparently travelled faster than him. Whomst was required to undergo a mandatory re-education program and compose a poem in praise of our Faithful, Glorious Dean-Emeritus.
Justin Bilenker
Copy Editor 2023-2025
Emperor 2025-2026
