Ask Senator McCarthy: Is My Mom Communist?

August 4, 1944

Dear Senator McCarthy,

I am reaching out to you because of a question that has been haunting me for the last three years. Lately, my mother has been really weird over dinner. A week ago, we were talking about our brave soldiers, who were injured in World War II. All of a sudden, my mother barges in and says that the state should offer welfare checks to them. I thought, what the hell, mom? But that wasn’t even that weird. The other day, we were having lunch at a friend’s place, and she said that public healthcare would be a good idea. We were guests, mom! What were you thinking? And it’s not even the worst thing she said. Yesterday, we went to watch a Cubs game, and she asked for ketchup on her hot dog! No true Chicagoan would do that!

I am thoroughly convinced that this person who I know as my “mom” is not my real mother. She is some KGB spy that looks just like her, but is not her, you know? So I’m not sure. Given your expertise with communism, Senator McCarthy, I am asking you: Is my mom a godforsaken communist? 

Best regards,

Sam Eagleson