New Study Suggest Berlin Wall Fell Not from Political Pressure, but from ‘Inept’ Architect behind Campus North and Woodlawn

November 9, 1989

BERLIN – While many believe that the Berlin Wall fell because of political pressure, a new study published in the Journal of Critical History suggests that the Berlin Wall actually fell because it was designed by 21st century architect Jeanne Gang. 

The Dealer talked with one source who was foundational to the study, Lead Planner for the German Democratic Republic, Carl Albert. He explained, “She wanted the exterior to be a white monolith of expanding size with bold pops of colors – maybe a muted green paired with cool tones. She said ‘this is going to be a place for people to gather.’ I told her, ‘Jeanne do you know why we are putting up this wall?’” 

Albert smoked a whole pack of Marlboros before continuing, “Jeanne acted like this wall was going to be one of those gazebos she made for the Lincoln Park Zoo. Or maybe a dorm? She kept asking me how many TVs we needed for the Nintendo Switches, like Jeanne, this is 1960, do we even have outlets in our walls?”

An unearthed letter from Studio Gang, Jeanne’s firm, to President Gorbachev says that the wall’s ostensible historical narrative was a secret attempt to cover up its structural ineptness “Oh fuck, our bad! Like was it really torn down? Like DOWN down? Probably have to reunite Germany at this point. we fixed Solstice by putting up scaffolding but that might not work if the wall is already down.”

Correction: In a statement to the Dealer after the original publication, the beloved architectural firm told the Dealer, “You guys can’t just make shit up. This is like our business. You’re lying about everything–except the part about Solstice. The panels did have to be removed…because of the windstorm. And yes, some of our properties are falling apart, but we have nothing to do with Cold War politics.”